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I have been asked by many how to do “Top-Secret Marketing”. There have been inquiries how to implement top secrecy into your existing marketing strategy. Being the BEST and ONLY known consultant in this field, I have decided to write down some of the basic skills you need. Top secret marketing is not a sprint. It needs to be implemented consistently to get results.

I know you have a busy schedule. Cancel some meetings with your clients or customers and keep on reading! I will let you know the well-kept secrets you need to succeed as a Top-Secret marketer.


Let’s start with the most important part. The goal of Top-Secret marketing. The goal is simple: to stay hidden. Why should you keep yourself hidden? Well, there is always the risk that hackers could find you. They can be annoying, but you can still outsource the problem to the IT department. However, the WORST are CUSTOMERS! What if an actual, or even worse - potential, customer finds you?

Customers are ultimately more difficult to deal with than hackers. Let’s be honest! They make you to work more and they are very demanding. Also, if something doesn’t work the way it should, they complain! That whining is called feed-back, which is a big disgrace. Customers are just cry-babies, plain and simple.

As it appears to be a norm, every business has their own webpage, usually for no particular reason. Make sure you do not have your name and phone number anywhere on those sites. Keep your photos away at any costs. Trouble starts if customers know your name, thus hide it. If your supervisor insists on contact details, you must take preventive measures. What you can do is to ensure that customers will have a very hard time finding you. Make sure that there is at least 20 clicks between the main page and your name. This is crucial, especially if you happen to run a webstore. Who has the time to listen to all the small problems and complaints customers have?

There is more to this than what one could think. It is also advisable to not link and mention your social media channels on your webpage. If you happen to work for a marketing agency that sells social media marketing services, make sure you do not have any social media content. There is no reason why you, as the expert, could not practise top-secret marketing. You want your customers to hire your social media skills, but do not give any freebies! Do not worry about your reputation. You can always claim to be the best in Google Ads – how could they prove otherwise? The main goal is not to share your social media channels on other platforms. If you have to, post as seldomly as possible! There is always a high risk of being spotted by a customer through a social media channel, right?


If you don’t happen to be a skilled top-secret marketer, you have the option to hire one. In case you happen to be in the B2B sector, it should be a no brainer that LinkedIn is your tool.

Now, how do we find the hidden gems?

There are some good indicators to look for when choosing a talented top-secret marketer. Firstly, it is important to check that they behave according to the “top-secret marketing” ideology. Do they have more than 500 followers on LinkedIn? Do they share posts and reshare or like any of the posts of their previous employers? If yes, then keep on looking. As we know, LinkedIn channels work more efficiently than company channels. A highly visible person is clearly an exposure risk. The purpose of top-secret marketing is to keep hidden. Doing less is less, which in this case is more. Get it?

Another good indicator that you have a too enthusiastic marketer is by checking their introduction. Do they claim to be a storyteller and have long introductions? Do they have their own webpage and blog? This should make red lights flashing in your mind. Those people have been brainwashed and probably followers of the “old school marketing” cult. They probably worship Kotler, the figurehead of old-fashioned marketing.


Are you having problems finding the right top-secret marketer? No problem! You do not actually need to separate extroverts and concentrate on shy introverts. The most important thing is that the person does not understand human behaviour. It also helps if the person does not have a need to get things done. A bureaucrat would be the safest option. However, finding a bureaucrat willing to work for the private sector is next to impossible.

Here comes the good news! What if I told you that you can practise to get the mindset of a bureaucrat? With our Pen Pusher Schooling just about any person can learn how to do top-secret marketing.

What is there in for you? You get rid of the burdens of old school marketing. Just forget burdens, such as SEO, SEM, ABM, BANT, BD etc. Monitoring key performance indicators is also not needed in top-secret marketing. The most important thing is to make as little decisions as possible and have very long deadlines. Long-term goals in top secret marketing are key to success! Just always remember less is less, which is more when it comes to staying hidden!


Written by,

Juliane Jokinen

The BEST and ONLY Consultant of Top-Secret Marketing

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